Why I Almost Ate My Professor for Lunch - Graduate School and Pregnancy

Pregnancy and My MBA

"I almost ate my professor for lunch."

I began my Masters in Business Administration (MBA) program when I was 5-months pregnant and ended the program with a toddler.  

MBA + Pregnancy = a few challenges

My MBA program held lunch at 1:15 pm for its students.  ARE THEY SERIOUSLY SERIOUS?  1:15?  Do they have any idea how late that is to eat lunch?  Not having lunch until 1:15 pm, to a pregnant woman, is cruel and unusual.  But not even for just pregnant people, but 1:15 is still late for normal people too.  

There were times that I contemplated eating my professor’s arm if he decided to continue with lecture for even 15-seconds past our 1:15 pm lunch break.  

While I was pregnant during my MBA program, I literally, on purpose, gave my professor(s) the meanest  ugliest possible look I could possibly put on my face if that professor so much as went 5-seconds into my lunch hour (I do not recommend this!).  

Looking back, my professors that semester probably thought I was absolutely batshit crazy - they probably wondered why this blonde, pregnant girl was trying to kill them with her stare.  

The truth is that I was hungrier than a hyena   For me, an empty stomach during my pregnancy was always met with "morning" sickness (aka, "absolute Hell") and an excruciating headache (I had a terrible first trimester as far as "morning" sickness goes).  On top of that, our classes started at 8:00 am – what kind of normal person would not be starving by 1:15?  That is just plain mean to make us wait until 1:15! What ever happened to eating lunch at noon, like society has taught us to do? 

The student union of my college campus is the equivalent to a pregnant woman’s Disney Land – with everything from Burger King, to make-your-own pitas, to Crab Rangoon.

Some suggested that, to combat my pregnancy hunger, I pack my own lunch…and “nibble on it during class.”  Sure.  That seems simple.  But why would I do that when there was an entire student union full of reasonably-priced restaurants for my fat, hungry, very-pregnant self to choose from?  So what did I do?  

If you could flashback and somehow watch me during my so-called “bathroom breaks,” then you would have seen me, who was very pregnant, running/waddling across campus to the student union’s Burger King - for their chicken tenders that I had been thinking about all morning (and their sweet and sour sauce, of course), and fries.  Oh my!

I took “bathroom breaks” during my MBA lectures, which is code for the fact that I frequently became a pregnant ninja and snuck my hungry, pregnant over to the student union's food court.  

Over time, I mastered the art of shoving chicken tenders in my face during my “bathroom breaks” and I am fairly confident that I broke a world record at how fast my 7+months pregnant body could waddle/run back to my seat in class.  All of this was done without any of my classmates ever knowing what I had just done – these were my top secret Burger King missions.  Muah ha ha.  Eventually, I became a master in this mission for chicken tenders – I perfected this process and narrowed it down from 20 minutes to only 14 minutes, all in which I made it from my classroom, to across campus to the student union Burger King, then I ate chicken tenders faster than you would ever think is humanly possible, and then would walk/waddle-run back to my classroom, and take my seat in class like nothing had happened (for all they knew, it takes a pregnant lady 14 minutes to pee).

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